Ever since I developed an eating disorder (anorexia), I was pretty much suffering from depression. It’s in the genes anyways from my Mum’s side. I remember the doctor telling my parents to not give me any antidepressants as yet. He is the doctor, but my Mum couldn’t wait any longer and took me to a different doctor which is our local doc to prescribe me antidepressant tablets.
I wasn’t sure about it at first because the other doctor told me not to take them, but my Mum thought it would probably help in recovering fast from my disorder. Pshh…Didn’t do anything.
Anyways, every since that day I took them, I now practically have to live on these stupid tablets. Whenever I run out of the tablets, all hell goes lose.
Withdrawal syndrome, that’s what I get when I skip a day of not taking the damn tablet.
It happened this week. I ran out and before that even happened I got into an argument with my Mum. I wasn’t talking to her after that and neither was she. Since I wasn’t talking to her, I couldn’t tell her that I needed to buy more tablets. Now before you think “oh she sounds like she’s addicted to these tablets” I’m not and also you can’t get addicted on them.
I think it was 4 days I went off without the tablet. Worse thing ever…
My Mum knew I ran out but she keeps forgetting to buy them, so I always wake up in the morning hoping to see them in the cabinet. Like I said I was still angry at her, however it clicked to me that I was extremely angry than I was before during our argument. Why was that? Because I wasn’t on my medication. I began having withdrawal syndrome after a day of skipping a tablet and then the following days it became worse. I was extremely depressed, I felt sick, felt like I wanted to vomit, no appetite, stomach upset, mood swings, weak, drowsy, loss of energy, brain shivers(most annoying thing!) and all I did was sleep throughout each day hoping it’ll go away but I was also suffering from insomnia.
Then the worse of the worse happened, the anorexia voices came back to me. I tried staying calm by just sleeping it off but that did not work at all. I didn’t like my legs, I felt like I gain weight, I felt .. fat. That was a bad sign for me I knew then and there that I really needed my antidepressants before it goes too far, before I go back to the dark days.
The next day after that, my Mum found me in bed during the day and we were still not talking to each other. She asked in an angry tone why I was still in bed. I didn’t want to tell her because I feel sick without my antidepressants otherwise she’ll give me the whole “stop relying on them” bullcrap. I’m not relying on them at all, I just wanted the withdrawal syndrome to stop because one it’s extremely annoying, two I’m afraid that anorexia may take over me again and three it can lead to suicide. So I just said I didn’t know what was wrong but I didn’t feel well. She kept bugging with the ‘why’s’ and ‘how come’ questions. Until it clicked in her head.
As she left my room I could finally go back to sleep but then again she entered and I thought she was going to shout at me or something but..no she came with my antidepressant and a drink to have it with. I couldn’t have been any happier to see them lol. I took the tablet and fell back to have a rest so that my body can take in the tablet and so that the chemical imbalance in my brain can be balanced again lol.
I woke up after a while and effs that’s when I told myself I need to get out of these tablets. Yes I did feel much better after but I really need to put a stop to these tablets. Farout.
I don’t want to be living on them for the rest of my life. So I decided to go and see a doctor next week to put an end to them :). Woo!
And yeah my Mum and I are talking again. So yeah I guess it was the medication that made me stay angry for awhile with my Mum.
So anyone thinking of taking antidepressants.
DON’T TAKE THEM.
There are other ways to relax your mind 🙂 ❤.
3:28am right now, I should be off to sleep.