Suicidal?

Had breakfast though I felt depressed while eating it, though I didn’t throw a tantrum. After breaky.. I went back to sleep. I like to sleep :). Anyways, at 1:00pm, it was snack time (If this was a movie, there would be some sort of horror soundtrack playing in the background.). I tried to seem like I’m dead asleep to the point where my Mum would just give up on trying to wake me up. -.-‘ She didn’t give up. So I woke up to see she was holding an LCM bar which had this yogurt cream thing underneath it. So what happened next? I threw a tantrum as usual. And as usual my Mum would go spastic cause I refuse to eat it no matter what she would do, either she would shout or try to grab me by the arm and force me up to eat it. I still refused. At the end I ate it while she was screaming at me saying if I was dead everything would be better and then she could die having to not live in the miserable life. Wow Mum yeah totes made me feel better. I’m use to to the things she says to me. Though yes I do start to throw tantrum when she is like that. Because frankly if she’s going to be playing like that then two can play as well. I’m not blaming my Mum on anything, just sometimes she just has no clue whats so ever with what I’m going through. She says she knows. No one can know how someone with an eating disorder feels unless they were in their shoes. It’s an horrible feeling.
The day went on with my Mum and I not talking to each other and with my Mum gone out for a while; I had hours of thinking whether it really was best for me to just die. However, my thoughts were interrupted by one of my closest cousin barging into my house. She is one crazy person I have ever met. But that’s what I love about her. I guess I was so isolated that I started to think about committing suicide.
Evening, my Mum had made me a light dinner to which I was surprised but didn’t say anything. Then I realized it was because she was giving me ice cream and then milk -.- fml and yuck. And so here I am, about to go off to do the usual stuff… exercise.. then shower… and then sleep.
Adios~
Bananixox

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