Yesterday was not really a good day for me, but then again everyday isn’t. First period at school, my day had to start with feeling shit. Two girls, (I’ll name them A and the other B) I just happened to sit on their table.. I’m not saying their those popular girls or anything, they are nice people. Though, one thing that ticks me off, is that the fact they are both skinny. They so happened to start having a conversation about their weight. A starts blabbing about how she has gained weight and wants to be underweight as she used to be, while B said she had lost weight and wants to gain weight at around 52-53 kilos. At the moment A is 52 kilos, and she is super tall, while B is 47 kilos. B said she went to the doctors cause she got scared about the fact she had lost weight even though she eats and eats (seriously she does eat a lot I’ve seen her). She got a blood check and the result was fine except she was low on vitamin D. You know what’s funny, that’s the same thing that happened to me when my mum took me to get a blood check, and all it said I was low on vitamin D except I wasn’t 47 then I was 38 kilos… Anyways A then said she rather be underweight then being normal weight. That’s when I wanted to slap her. Who wouldn’t though!? She annoyed me! At least B wants to me healthy! This doesn’t help me at all though. It just makes me want to beat them. I need to be more underweight than them. I’m 46 kilos at the moment, and one more kilo I’ll be the same as B, which I don’t want to be. See what this does to me? Anorexia isn’t some kind of a joke. Which to some people it is. If they were in my shoes, then that’ll probably hit a reality check. So my day went on like that, feeling fat. Except during lunch time (which I don’t eat anything), my friends surprised me. Since I can’t go on yr.12 retreat camp, I wouldn’t see my friends on my birthday. So they gave me my early birthday present :). I kept on saying how I wanted to have a room make over, so they bought me heaps of things for my room 🙂 . That’s when my day started to become alright
Which then brings today! Starting of with breakfast…same thing ..eggs -.- .. Then it was snack time, which was some pancake thing, which I spat out later on. Lunch I had fried fish, coleslaw and one dim sim. I started a tantrum again. Salt. I hate that word makes me cringe in disgust. I tried to get out of it. Didn’t work -.- . After I had to have ice cream. I wanted to run. But couldn’t. FAR-OUT. Does my mum have to give me a big scoop!? It was my medicine time,anti-depressants. I had to have a snack with that,roll-up. Which I later spat out. Dinner, bread with chicken. Way too much meat. I felt sick. Dessert, I had apples. Which again I spat out. And like just five minutes ago, I had to drink an Up&Go (a milk drink). And at then end of all this, I feel fat.
I’m off. Going to do the usual’s.. exercise…and late shower.
BTW MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW! 😀 Though I’m not really actually excited, but at least I get presents?