Hunger…

So today I had to stay back after school for an outcome for English. You see I have breakfast at 6:40am every freaking morning because of my mum -.- , and I don’teat at school until I go home at 4pm. So that’s like 10 hours without food. Today it was 12 hours 🙂 .
My mum hated the fact I had to stay after school for English. I couldn’t help it though. Anyways, I came back and Effs. My dad bought me fried rice -.-. I complained, why? I already had rice yesterday night and I HATE RICE. I was obviously in a bad mood. Well there were heaps of veggies so I started eating that but my mum ended up feeding me again because yeah I’d probably hide the rice and chicken or something and I was eating slow. After that I had to have an apple. I was so full but it didn’t matter cause in the end I spat the apple out.
You know what made me laugh? My mum was telling me in order to survive I need food,I need it to live and breathe. In reality that’s what I’ve been aiming for. To disappear.
I’m out for today. Gonna take my usual power nap.
Bananixox

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2 thoughts on “Hunger…

  1. I’ve been down that road. Way way down. “Maybe I won’t wake up tomorrow,” down. “Maybe my heart will stop.” All of that.

    And I don’t know you. I don’t know why you want to disappear. I just know how it feels to want that and know that you want that and be a little scared to know that you want that. And I am hoping, even though you don’t know me, you’ll believe me when I say this: You deserve to eat. And wake up tomorrow. And want to feel OK. You deserve to figure out whatever it is in this life that’s making you want to disappear and you deserve to get rid of that. Your family cares about you, it’s clear. And that’s probably really hard to hear because you might rather they didn’t — if you’re anything the way I’ve been — but they do. I hope you get better and I hope you know that it’s OK to get better. I really really do. Know that someone out here is listening to you.

    • Thank you ❤
      It is hard everyday. And I also do think maybe I won't wake tomorrow, but obviously I wake up everyday feeling horrible. It's just much of a struggle for me to overcome this disorder that I just want to disappear. You know? So that no one wouldn't have to put up with me and so that I don't have to put up with everyone including my disorder.
      Anyways thanks for understanding me even though I don't know you either 🙂 ❤

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