Giving up?

I’m so lost today.
I feel so fat. I feel like I weight much more than the other girls at my school. I hate my legs, my arms, my hips, my cheeks. I had it so perfect before! But then my parents had to take that away from me. I am still under weight and I want to stop!! I can’t take this recovery anymore!
I had sent an email to my therapist to book in an appointment with her for next week. But she goes on and replies saying she’s all booked out. That’s not all she told me. She says she feels that I need much support than she can give me at the moment. She wants me to go for that butterfly program she kept on telling me about and what I kept on refusing to go to. Why? Because that will mean I have drop out of school. I don’t want that!!
I admit. I’m afraid.
I just want to slow down. It’s too much for me.
I’m scared what others may think of me. Or when I drop out of school what everyone will think have happened to me.
I am sensitive to things but it’s because of my eating disorder I am like this.
I really and I really mean it, I really don’t know what to do.
Haven’t told my parents about the email and I don’t want them to know because they might actually consider to do what my therapist had said. I mean yes my parents too want me to drop out school saying they don’t care anymore but more of me getting better. But I still refused to do what they say. Its my last year of high school, so why can’t they just let me do this for just this year? I’m stubborn. And I’m abnormal. So what?
No one is a freaking superman here in this world. No one can have a perfect life. We have to make mistakes so we can learn and teach others as we grow.
So I conclude, I feel as if it’s time to give up on myself because it’s too much for me.
Well I’m out for the night but gonna do the usuals at first đŸ™‚
Exercise … then late shower and lastly BED. I need my sleep -.- even though I slept straight away as soon as I got home from school lol.
Adios~
Bananixox

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