First thing my mum wakes me up, she brings me toast with chicken sausages. What the hell!? Is she trying to make my eating disorder worse? I refused to eat it. I was just sick and tired with the things I have to go through and sick of my mum having to treat me like a sick person. I refused because I don’t like eating meat for breakfast. Usually at the end I would give up. Not this time.
My parents were both shouting at me, my mum blaming me for everything, both of them swearing at me, hitting me, pulling me, chocking me from the collar to get me to sit up. So your saying I should do what they say when they are treating me like that? Really? Well no. I had enough. I know my family had enough, but if they treat me like that, then obviously I’m not going to put up with it. LEAVE ME TO DIE maybe that would do, so then my parents and my brother can have a normal life and a normal family.
So at the end, I won. But instead my mum have me a sandwich with butter and cheese. I only ate the part of the bread that wasn’t covered with butter. I threw out the cheese and the rest of the bread out. No one saw. After, my made me have a bloody milkshake! This was when my brother came in and asked for my mum to stop shouting at me. My mum is … she’s selfish?
Don’t get me wrong. I completely understand that they are frustrated, upset, because of me. I get it that they are working extra hard because of me. ….. But I just don’t like the way I’ve been treated.
They don’t want me to go to my therapist because they say I won’t recover like that just going and coming back home without improvement.
Recovery takes awhile. They don’t understand that.
So I emailed my therapist and told her what’s going on. She’s the only one who understands me at the point. She’s the only one who would listen to me even if I sound stupid or won’t make sense.
She replied back saying she will send a letter this time instead of calling to tell my parents stating on more info about an eating disorder and how to react to them, places where I can get more help, things that they should do because clearly they don’t get it. I’m thankful that she’s actually willing to help me. Because at this point I’m scared.
Who knows I might actually end up committing suicide or my parents might kill me instead.
I’m going to stop here because I’ve just rambled through this post and haven’t properly fixed my sentences so half of this won’t make sense. Hopefully you can understand at least. Okay so I’m going exercise because my mum gave me a snack and I feel like shit at the moment.
Ciao for now~


4 thoughts on “HELP

  1. Please feel free to disregard the following comment and you may feel I’m out of order but I feel I should be honest and say it anyway.

    Sorry you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. I by no means agree with your family being violent or aggressive towards you, but I have to say, your parents are obviously worried sick about you. They simply don’t know how to “make it all better” like they think they should. Reality is, it’s YOU who had to get better. Your parents job is to support you in the best way possible, and that means feeding you food which you (or more specifically your eating disorder) may not like at the moment.

    I hope your therapist is able to help your family help you, if that makes sense? And really, exercise isn’t the sort of thing you should be doing right now.

    • Yes I do understand they are worried sick about me. But .. it’s just hard to explain the situation. It’s difficult to just eat. So having an eating disorder is like having someone control you inside. I don’t mean to act so negative and cruel to everyone but it’s how usually someone with an eating disorder reacts to food and people. But I get where your coming from πŸ™‚

      • I know exactly what you mean, and can relate to how you feel. I have an eating disorder myself, and one of my main motivations to get better (other than to be healthy again) is to stop my parents worrying so much about me. Eating Disorders are selfish, they push away those closest to you and since I’ve put my parents through hell and back with this horrible thing, I we it to them to recover. Good luck πŸ™‚

      • Oh really? And yes you are right eating disorders can be selfish even though we don’t mean to. I guess it’s because we’re afraid that we react like that? Well then let’s hope for the best in both our recoveries :)!

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