Terrified. I don’t know what to do.
I hop on to the scale. I put on 2 kilos.
I’ve been over exercising. Everyday.
How? How is this possible.
My eyes are burning with tears threatening to fall. I saw myself in the mirror. I tell myself not to cry. Don’t make a fool out of yourself. So I close my eyes and I hear him (my eating disorder). “I told you. Now look what has happened. From now on, you will work harder. I will help you so don’t worry. I’m here for you.” He says to me.
I believe him. So I will do what he says. I will lose weight. He promised me.
My parents think I’m becoming more sociable and recovering. It’s only to hide the fear I have. I’m only pretending. I don’t want to recover. I refuse.
I’m out for the night. Going to exercise as much as I can and then hit the hay.