Not giving up just yet..

Ever since I had put on 2 kilos, I have been exercising more every night. I was planning to go for a run but that was suppose to happen after everyone in the house has gone out. Which never happened. So I’m probably going to stick with crunches and random other exercise.

I don’t know anymore, I don’t know whether it’s time to give up or not. But I thought about it for a while, and my conclusion to it was a mess. So I’m not giving up. Yeah I’m mentally sick… it’s the whole process on an eating disorder. 

Sometimes I think that my body is fine but then like 2 seconds later.. I start criticizing myself. I hate my body image and I will lose more weight even though I’m underweight. I don’t care.

…….

So the past few weeks have been alright for me, as in the fights I keep having with my parents because I wouldn’t want to eat. After my mum has been told not keep shouting at me, things have been alright for me. I haven’t been so anti-social with everyone lately but still needs some work. I know my mum only shouts because she’s frustrated and scared but I don’t like being treated like that, my eating disorder tends to react badly. However, I’m struggling to see my body in positive way. 

I thought about ways of getting my mind off on my eating disorder and I thought maybe going to New York in December since I’ll be finishing off school :). And woop it worked :D! I’ll be going with my mum.

I don’t know if I’m going survive with her without having any fights -.- but we would probably be occupied with shopping lol :). 

Well I’m off, going to … maybe exercise after a little nap. 

Ciao~

– Bananixox

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