Why?

I honestly had it.

My anger is about erupt like a freaking volcano. These past few weeks weren’t so good for me. So what happened so far? :

Well firstly I haven’t heard a word from my therapist since she had went on leave for around 4 weeks. I don’t know, maybe she hasn’t came back yet. Though I really need to talk to someone
I went with 12 hours without food. I had to stay back at school for a compulsory English essay task for Yr.12. I don’t even eat during school which is like 7 hours plus the hours I get to school : 2 hours, so plus staying after school which was 2 hours more. Obviously my mum didn’t like the idea and tried to force me to stay at home
I’ve been contemplating whether I should listen to my parents about dropping out of school because it’s beginning to become a struggle for me with my disorder. Though I can’t bring myself to do so
I’ve been crying lately because of my body image and being even more depressed
I’ve been wondering why my friends are even still hanging around with me knowing I’m suffering from an eating disorder
I want to commit suicide
I especially hated yesterday.
TGIF is what I was so happy about yesterday, but I ended up hating it. Why I can’t concentrate at school is, well obviously because I don’t eat and yeah you know what happens when you don’t eat and your mind goes fuzzy trying to learn. I just don’t like eating in front of people. I have this intense fear. I always compare myself to other girls and finding I’m about to cry because I’m that negative towards myself. Yesterday in English class, my teacher comes up to me at the end of the class and asked how I was last year in English. Well I was horrible since I was still suffering from my eating disorder at 38 kilos. I couldn’t tell her that though. Not while other people were around us. She doesn’t know about my disorder, so now she wants to talk to me on Monday because she knows I’m kind of struggling in English. FML. I hate having to tell all the teachers what I’m going through with, because then their faces end up like ‘Oh… oh my god I’m so sorry I asked’. Fuck, I swear my life is putting me under pressure. Our school Formal is coming up and I’m stressing out wondering if I’ll gain heaps of weight before Formal. There’s so much things to study I can’t even be bothered because I’m worthless anyways there’s no point. Even if I over exercise myself out, I don’t get what I exactly want.

Anyways I’m out. Haven’t been able to post anything lately because WordPress system didn’t allow me to =.= until I emailed WordPress the problem.

Adios~

– Bananixox

Crap. Mother’s Day is coming up and I haven’t even prepared anything for my mum as yet -.-“.

Well I hope everyone’s mum has a good mother’s day 🙂 ❤

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