A death of a family member

R.I.P Great-Grandma.
My first time experiencing a loss of a family member. I didn’t even go to school today and this happens.
Was it a sign?
My mum wakes me from my sleep, she starts crying. I was unsure if I had done something wrong. Until she said she’s not breathing. My Great-Grandma wasn’t breathing. Of course I was in shock. Though honestly I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know if I should cry or not. I was confused. So I cried confusingly. My mum cried to me. As I cried on her shoulder. First time in awhile since my mum and I have been close like that with each other. She tells me that it isn’t confirmed she has passed away as yet. So I go back to sleep hoping my Great-Grandma will be alright. I don’t like seeing others cry.
Half an hour later, she’s gone.
Again I didn’t know how to react. Like I said before, my first time experiencing a loss of a family member. My mum cries to me again. I cry with her again confusingly. I didn’t know what to do.
As my mum left me to sleep again, I hear her again crying. My dad hadn’t came back from the shops as yet, and as he came, he was obviously confused what was going on.
As my dad found out; he probably said the honest thing I’ve heard from him. That’s how life is.
It’s the truth.
I think to myself, we don’t have a fucking perfect life. I mean look at me. Suffering from depression plus an eating disorder.

What is a perfect life anyways?

I feel..I don’t know. Unusually fat. I don’t want to eat. It’s a weird feeling, experiencing a loss of a family member. I don’t want to experience it again. Places me in an unusual position.

I’m out for today. Going to sleep some more.


:/ Hope my bro and my cousin won’t break down when they come from school.


P.S I love you Great-Grandma.


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