Struggling everyday. My mind wonder of to suicidal. I’m losing it. 

I haven’t been checking my weight lately, I’m too afraid to do so. I don’t even look like I’m anorexic, however I used to and strange as it sound I missed looking like that. I’m highly afraid of gaining weight, and if I do, I go crashing down. 

Yr. 12 formal is coming up next month. Fuck. What if I had gained heaps of weight by then? I wouldn’t be able to wear a dress that would show my figure. I probably wouldn’t be able to wear anything.

Everyday I wake up,first thing I do is criticize myself. Then be depressed for the whole day. 

I can’t keep being like this. I have to do something.

My final thoughts? Bulimia?

 I mean I’m suffering from anorexia already so it wouldn’t make a difference right?

And I know vomiting helps to lose all those calories been consumed. 

It’s only a thought though. I’ll see what I’ll end up with. But for now I’m out for the night, going to do the usual’s.


– Bananixox


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