So I’ve been purging for these past few days. I hate it, trust me I don’t like the idea of it. But I feel accomplished and pleased after purging. So far no one has caught me, no one knows what I have been doing lately. My friends know about my eating disorder since last year. What I love about my friends is that they still treat me as ‘me’ not as someone who’s ill and how they have act really nice to me. Today one of my friends has texted me asking if everything was okay with me. I, for some reason had sent her a whole list of the things that were frustrating me. I told her that I have been doing something horrible lately but didn’t tell her what it was. She obviously asked. I couldn’t tell her that I was purging. What if she tells my parents? Then I’m obviously screwed for sure. So I didn’t end up telling her.
Just half an hour ago I was in the shower, purging. I can’t help it now. It’s become one of my routines now. Shower-purge-exercise. I can’t run away from the food my parents give me. That’s why I decided to purge. Stupid right?
However I think it’s slowly working with losing weight. Though I’m not happy with my thighs, so I’ll have to keep on exercising which I’m off to do now.
P.S I sound really hopeless here o.O