Can’t Stop

So it’s official, I found my new obsession.

Purging.

Straight after school, since I don’t eat during school, my Mum made me rice. Effs. I hate rice. I ended up eating it because my ED convinced me to throw it up later, so I kept that in mind. After I was done eating, I made sure no one can hear me in bathroom trying to stick down my toothbrush in order to purge. As soon as I started purging, I just couldn’t stop, it wasn’t enough, not everything came out and I was angry. After a while I stopped since someone in my family would probably wonder why I’m still in the bathroom. I came out and went straight to bed to have a rest as I usually do so I can block out reality. My Mum then came in to give me my snack which was yogurt as I have to have after lunch. Did not taste good straight after purging. I wanted to purge again after finishing my yogurt, but I didn’t I was just too tired to do so. So again my ED told me to wake up after a while and do it again. I was going to but I ended up sleeping straight till 11 o’clock pm. My Dad woke me to give me my anti-depressant tablet with 2 biscuits. I took the tablet and chewed on the biscuits but then spat the biscuits out later like I usually do, I never swallow them. That reminded me, I felt a bit off today during school when I realized it was because I have been purging yesterday night, which meant in other words that I might have accidentally threw up my anti-depressant that I took yesterday at the same time which caused me to feel off and frustrated for no reason.

So after I took my tablet and spat the biscuits, it was time for dinner. My Mum makes me eat in the T.V room so I can get distracted while eating. Doesn’t really work but anyways, I had 4 slices of toasted tuna sandwiches. I was getting angry because my Mum made me 4 instead of just 2 but she told me it’s just 2 sandwiches  been cut into half. I’m not that stupid =.= I think I can see that. I ate the sandwiches, and after I had an apple which again I later spat out, I don’t know why I do that even though it’s a fruit. And here I am, about to go for a shower and at the same time purge. After my shower I’ll be exercising.

And so I’m out to do the usual’s 🙂

Ciao~

– Bananixox

P.S Does it seem like I’m bulimic :\? I’m still confused if I am or not or just anorexic -3- …. I’m a clueless child.

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