Unstoppable

Okay so I found out that purging is also another symptom of anorexia and not just bulimia.
So how have I been? Shit.
I can’t stop purging after every meal except breakfast. I hate purging. But when I do purge, I feel happy. Lately I haven’t been able to stop purging, and I realize that my stomach is becoming flatter. I just need to work on my legs and arms.
Fuck. I sound selfish. I know. I don’t mean to though. It’s like having someone else control you.
I want to stop purging. I need to stop. I know the consequences but yet I still do it. Why? Fuck, I don’t know.
I can’t control myself, I just let Steve (eating disorder) control me. I’ve been with him since last year and can’t seem to let go of him. I’m too afraid. But don’t know of what. Whether I’m afraid of Steve or afraid of eating.
Yr 12 is draining me at the same time. I can’t even concentrate because I’m too busy criticizing myself about how big I am to the other girls at school.
I’m heading out for now. It’s 1:00pm and I’m still in bed.
Adios~
Bananixox

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