It’s been.. how long since I started purging? I can’t remember 2 weeks or so. I haven’t stop since then. I throw up after every meal and I can’t help myself to do so. I feel disgusted in myself and I want to stop. 

But I can’t stop. The voice I hear inside my head scares me. So I have to do so. I haven’t even told my therapist about me purging as yet because I’m afraid she might end up telling my parents, and I don’t want them to know. I want to tell my therapist because I don’t want to force myself to throw up everyday! I want that voice inside my head to shut up already and let me be!! 

My mum is already becoming suspicious of me and so I have to be more careful. 

I don’t want to eat, but I don’t want to purge. Only reason I’m forcing myself to do is because I can’t get away from the food my parents give me. So the only option I had was to purge, which was probably a stupid idea, I know. 

Anyways, I’m going to take a small nap for now.


– Bananixoxo


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