Afraid

Walls are closing in
Yet I still stand in between
Alone I suffer
It’s without a question I wonder
It’s my choice to stop
However I do not
I’ll continue standing here
Though I can promise you I won’t move from there

Frustration took over me. I was trying so hard to purge out all of lunch but only half came out. I was forcing so hard that I practically can feel like I’m damaging my esophagus. I ended up giving up. Then as I was talking to my brother who went overseas with my dad to Malaysia, my mum comes gives me yoghurt. I was worried that as I was still talking to my brother I may not be able to purge enough. However, after talking to my brother, my mum went out to do some grocery shopping. That lent me a chance to quickly purge. And so I purged out the yoghurt and also eventually the rest of lunch. Except something happened. I was purging too much and that I knew I was damaging my esophagus that blood ended up coming out. Though only a little bit. But I am worried.
I am happy though. I lost more weight! But how am I going to explain this to my therapist? She doesn’t even know about me purging as yet.

Argh I’m out :/. Tired ~.~ nighty night.
Adios~
Bananixox

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