Caught red handed

Damn. Got caught.

My mum somehow rather found out that I have been purging. 

I kept denying. Now we’re not talking to each other, we had a fight last night about it. It wasn’t pretty. We were practically screaming a each other that I’m sure my next door neighbours would’ve heard us. She threaten to call the police on me. What’s that going to do? You know if she wanted to talk to me about it, she would’ve approached to me in a calmer way, like I think we need to talk not WHAT ARE YOU DOING! 

You see, eating disorders tend to react in a aggressive way at times when someone approach to them like what my mum did to me. It’s not our fault though. It’s our eating disorder that’s making us aggressive. Anyways, my mum and I aren’t talking and now tomorrow I have my appointment with my therapist. I haven’t told her about me purging as yet so I guess I’ll have to now. 

I’m not proud of myself for purging. I’m absolutely disgusted in myself. I hate it. I hate doing it all the time. I am being careful though. I know how the food we eat will eventually turn into acid, so I make sure to purge straight away before it turns into acid. Then I thoroughly wash my mouth. My teeth hasn’t gone bad because I haven’t purged out any acid from my stomach, and I don’t use my fingers to purge because that will leave marks on my knuckles, and I have formal coming up so at least I need my knuckles to look presentable okay. lol. Oh, that’s another thing. Formal. 

Next week on Thursday is my yr 12 school formal. I got my dress already damn expensive but I paid half from my birthday money and my parents paid the other half :). It’s a Sherri Hill dress ^^ … I’m getting off topic here. When I went to go try on the dress in the dressing room, the guy gave me a size…. 0, in american size. My mum’s expression went to 🙂 to that 😐 to this >:|. I was happy of course but not happy? I don’t know. So I eventually bought the dress and now freaking out that I may put on some weight. Pshh. Really? I’m really am insane aren’t I? Don’t answer that I know you’re answer. 

I checked my weight today. Gone down to 45 kilos. Back to square 1. 

Shit. When my parent’s find out, they’ll make me drop out of school and enroll me to that butterfly program. :\. Aish. What to do, what to do. 
Well I’m out for today, my mum has gone nuts and bolts. She’s even angry at my dad for some reason :s and she slammed the bathroom door too -.-. Teenage much? 


– Bananixox


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