Wow, it has been almost 2 years since I had my eating disorder and I haven’t gotten out of it as yet.
The only thing I want to do is lose weight. But I can’t since my parents are giving me high calorie food!
However I purge after every meal except breakfast.
I realized over the past 2 weeks so far that I have been gaining weight and I am defiantly not liking it!!
I’m actually quite angry and depressed. Yeah depressed. Really depressed that I just don’t want to do anything. I’m in bed right now because I’m depressed =3=. Tomorrow is the second week of term school holidays and I have not yet studied anything at all for my final exams all because I’ve been depressed!!!! (even though it’s like in November but it’s better to start early)
I’ve been focusing more and more on my body lately instead of worrying about other things in life. Eating disorders (anorexia) know if they have gained fat on some part of their bodies and then start to freak out like I just did today -.-. Other’s may not know the difference because well for starters they don’t have an eating disorder and they haven’t spend all their life time, everyday on their bodies.
My legs have gained fat and I just want to cry, and no I’m not sarcastically saying it I really mean it.
I’ve noticed that my Mum hasn’t been eating much or not eating properly. One morning she came up to me and said she lost weight and got scared that she started eating heaps. Bullcrap.
She’s probably happy she lost weight. She told me that she dropped down to 58 or 56 I can’t remember, but it’s what I used to be! I’m not happy at all with that. So I’m sticking to being underweight.
I sound selfish I know.. but I don’t mean to be T.T.
Why is life so tormenting -.-.
I’m out for now.