I’m scared. No, worse. I’m more than scared but don’t know what word to use.
Yesterday and today was just horrible. So the day before yesterday was my graduation dinner with my year 12’s with all our parents. I ate dinner which my parents forced me to. Then yesterday in the morning my mum gave me my usual cereal and orange juice then after 2 hours later I had to have my milkshake. I needed to purge, but I was so tired to walk up to the bathroom so I purged inside my room but then my mum decided to come in my room at that time to get something. So yeah I got caught. Had a big fight and what not. However, yes I know what I did was wrong BUT she was blaming my friends? I kept telling her that they don’t have an eating disorder so it’s okay for them to go on a diet or what not but none of them are on a diet they eat heaps! But no my mum doesn’t believe neither does my dad and it makes me furious. So I kept refusing to do what they wanted me to do because they kept blaming my friends. My mum called them ugly bitches. Was that right? Would you stand there and listen to someone talking about you’re friends who have been supporting you? So of course I wouldn’t stand there, I had to shout back.
However today was the worse. My mum wouldn’t let me go anywhere!! When I went to the bathroom just to brush my teeth she opened the door unexpectedly saying I’m throwing up. What the hell and I just got in there. So after that the day went on and then came evening. I ate rice and then had to have a stupid mlkshake again (I’m sick of having it everyday). After my dinner I went into my room and yes I had to purge. I was caught and kept refusing I was purging but then again my mum blamed my friends for everything. I was so furious at this point that she hit me and then slapped me. I grabbed my shoes and tried to run out because I don’t want to live here anymore if I’m going to be called a bitch and being punched at by my own parents.
Parents grabbed me and pushed me away from running out. Then my mum repeatedly was hitting me. I now have finger nail marks on both my arms, my finger is bleeding my leg hurts from being hit. it’s not that disciplined hitting thing, she went crazy like she was going to murder me.I wanted to cry so badly but I don’t like showing my weak side. I hate HATE crying in front of people for that exact reason, showing my weak side. Is anyone else like that?
I’m scared for the morning. I really don’t know what to do. I just want to eat a healthier option and exercise normally. But I can’t do that because my parents are just going to feed me until I’m … well fat.
Crap… I feel like crying again.
You know if there were a rest button, I would defiantly press that.
Well I’m out for now. Going to exercise out of frustration and from being hurt. Then I’ll go watch… I don’t know some random videos on the net. Oh Glee ^^ and Skins U.K version :P.
P.S: What do I do? Help me.