I did it. I actually did it.
I didn’t purge at all today.
I think I’m finally coming out of it. I think I can do this. I just got to keep on trying, right?
I actually went through the day without purging. I still can’t believe it.
Though, don’t think I didn’t have the urge to purge (kekekeke that rhymed ^^). I so badly wanted to purge, you had no idea. The feeling of having food in my stomach for a long time, I felt like screaming my bloody lungs out. I really wanted to purge. I could hear my ED (eating disorder) scolding me for not listening. He’s still angry at me.
I kept repeating to myself though, ‘Just eat. Just eat. Just eat. Then when all this is done, you can do whatever you want.’ . It actually worked. I can’t believe it still.
I can’t believe I actually got through the day without purging. I didn’t even hide any food given to me, I just ate it. Then I just distracted myself.
I told my friends about how I may gain heaps of weight because my Mum is doubling my food, but they don’t care. They don’t care about my size. They only care about me. Not my appearance, but just me.
I started crying when they told me this. I’m glad I have friends like them who supports me. I really am.
Well this is one day gone through. I gotta keep going.
Oh, though I did throw a tantrum for dessert. I usually have an ‘Up&Go’ which is this milk which is really good I have to admit. I usually drink the vanilla flavor but now my Mum changed that to a milkshake! So everyday now I’m having 2 milkshake and it really pisses me off because I’m actually freaking sick of that shit. So I told my Mum about how I’m sick of it and I won’t drink it. So she brings me ice cream instead however once I tasted it I knew she put powder in it which I presumably think is suppose to make me gain weight . And the funny part was she was completely denying it. Does she really think I’m stupid. Fuck sake. I’m going to find that powder and throw it away. At that point I really was going to purge but then my Mum made me stay with her for 2 freaking whole hours. Still pissed off but I gotta keep on going.
Anyways, I’m out for the night ^^