Okay so the last few weeks I haven’t been purging. Just eating whatever I’m given. Like I’ve stated before I’m just going to get this over and done with.
I’ve been doing well, still whinging here and there about food but I have realized that my whinging about food has always been me from the beginning. I’ve always been fussy about food.
So yesterday was Christmas but my family and I didn’t get each other presents because, my Mum and I are going to New York on the 27th of December to buy for ourselves and for the whole family heaps of stuff (can’t wait to go!). Except Christmas was the worse yesterday (sorry Jesus). Food. Every holiday just has to have food.
My cousin, grandma and my aunt came for xmas lunch. I remember seeing my cousin …well she weight more than me (I’m most deffs not calling her fat just saying she weighs more than me). She’s only a year younger than me but when I saw her yesterday, a huge weight of anxiety and depression came over me. Since I have been eating the food my Mum makes me eat and not been purging I have been gaining weight about the 50kg’s (hate it but I’m fighting it) however I am still considered to be underweight due to my height. My cousin looked like she was the same weight as me. Her arms looked like mine, her legs looked skinnier than mine AND SHE DIDN’T EAT MUCH FOR LUNCH. I know she had like a stomach problem a few days ago but should be gone by now? It’s unfair.
My parents complain about my weight WHEN MY BROTHER IS MORE UNDERWEIGHT THAN ME. Reason? He doesn’t eat much of the main meals only junk. Eating mainly junk food can cause malnutrition. My brother only eats mainly junk food and doesn’t finish his main meals. NEVER. No he doesn’t have an eating disorder well clearly he doesn’t but is it fair for my family to fatten me up when I’m near my normal weight and to not care about my brother’s weight? When you look at him you will understand. He is taller than me too (which suck because he is 3 years younger than me -.-).
My Mum never gives my brother enough food. It’s because she knows that he won’t finish his food.
Depression can be a bitch.
I hate it.
I was fine until yesterday. It’s a boomerang affect.
I’m fine—Not fine—-I’m fine—-Not fine.
Meh. I’m out for my late shower. I need to distract myself :L.