So it’s 2013 and a lot has happened already!
Last year in December, I took off to New York with my Mum on the 27th and I have to say for myself, it was freaking amazing! It was so much fun and especially the shopping!! The people there are so freaking nice too. At first I thought people there were only being nice just to either get in my pants or to take my money or something but it wasn’t anything like that. I’m seriously contemplating whether to migrate there in New York lol. Anyways, I’m getting off topic.
The food…. the food I was worried about to eat in New York when I arrived there, but again I was wrong. I actually ate the food without a fuss. Pizza, ice cream, donuts.. I ACTUALLY ATE THAT CRAP! I couldn’t believe it! I don’t know what happened to me, I mean of course I didn’t eat just that, I also ate fruits and other non junk foods. The food there was actually….. nice?
I was terrified at first but once I took a bite, I was okay with it. I guess being in New York was a lot over whelming for me that I just forgot about having to care about what I was eating.
So when I came back home to Australia, I thought my Mum would let me start eating on my own like taking food that I like to eat this time. Also I wanted to start fresh, having a fit toned body :). Of course I’ll have to eat food to get that toned body, but again my Mum and I had a fight T.T. She doesn’t want me to do that as yet as she says “You’re still sick!!” she yells.
You know I was really sure that I was out of this eating disorder or well about to get out of this disorder… but NO. My Mum and my Dad both keeps telling me ‘you’re sick, you’re sick, you’re sick!’.
They keep telling me that I am sick, and so the more they say that I’m sick then I’m going to be thinking I’m still sick and not recovering. Does that make sense?
I just wanted to start fresh you know? I just wanted to forget about the bad memories about my anorexia days. But I’ll never will if I’m stuck in this routine that my parents make do where they sit next to me and watch me eat and give me snacks after every meal.
I guess my New Year resolution didn’t happen at all.
Well at least I have completely stopped purging. Now that I think about it, it was quite scary purging all the food that was in my stomach and how I did it.
What do I do? I’m going to be stuck like this for a long time, I can see it. You know the sad thing is? I’ll be turning into an adult this year and still my parents aren’t letting me try on my own. They need to learn to let me go!!!!!
GAHHH SO FRUSTRATED O.O!!!!
Oh and I didn’t get the course I wanted to do in Uni which is okay because I’m doing a TAFE course so I can get into Uni later on and also to ‘get out’ of this mess I’m in with my disorder which I do think I’m almost out of.
I’m out for the day….