Hey, remember me?

So uh…

Okay wait. Re-do

Hi.

Don’t know if anyone can remember me but I was that girl that suffered from anorexia for 2 and half years now. Been through hell and had a bumpy road along the way of recovery.

So my psychologist who was expecting her first baby had taken a maternity leave last year and said she’ll be back this year in March. Well…yeah, never went back to her.

But I don’t think I need to see her anymore. Yeah. Why?

I think I finally made it through.

Okay yes I have little things that I’m not so okay about like my weight. But it’s not that kind of feeling I used to get when the voices I hear in my head screams at me “YOU NEED TO LOSE THE FAT!”.   I don’t hear them anymore. It’s more of like whenever I see myself in the mirror I’d be like “Oh, I gained a bit of weight. I should exercise”, but I end up not exercising lol. But I don’t get overly depressed about it as I used to :). I just carry on with my day.

I do though want to start going to the gym to be more active and fit and of course healthy. However, I’m scared to ask my parents if I can go. “Oh it’s an anorexia thought.” That’s what they’ll say, well my Mum would say. See the thing is, my parents are afraid that I may relapse. So that’s why my Mum is still doing THE DAMN EFFIN ROUTINE EVERY GOD DAMN DAY. I’m not even kidding. The whole MUST have breakfast in the morning WITH a glass of orange juice and having a snack in between meals. What if I don’t want to have a snack? I may not be hungry. Can’t I take a snack when I am hungry? I can’t even choose a snack to eat. Other wise my Mum would be like “Oh how come you didn’t choose that other snack instead? Is it because it has more calories?”. It really frustrates me. I can’t even serve myself when it’s breakfast, lunch or dinner. I’m not even allowed to say I’m full (crap I’m going to cry. This is how much it makes me angry and frustrated.). I don’t understand! It’s been 2 and half years now!! Come on!! Why can’t eat what I like to eat!? So what if I like to eat fresh and healthy!? I’m still eating aren’t I?

You know whenever I go out with my friends to eat, it’s the only way to choose whatever I want to eat for lunch or whatever. Usually I go out to have lunch with friends and I’ll always choose something fresh and healthy because my Mum wouldn’t make much fresh food. It’s always rice, rice, rice, rice, deep fried chips and chicken etc.. I’m defiantly not saying none of that is bad for you because it’s alright to have those kinds of food 🙂  but I’m not sure if it’s alright to have everyday?

I mean like my Dad has diabetes :S. I think he knows it’s bad for him to eat those kinds of things but he is a big eater, but he’s also active and he exercise.

UGH.

 

I appreciate the food my Mum makes me everyday. BUT. The routine has GOT TO STOP. OMG.

If this continues for God knows how long, I’m considering to go to a family counsel or something. I’m not joking.

Is it wrong for me to go to the gym when I’m still eating whatever my Mum makes me? I’m in the normal weight range too. I just want to gain a toned body and be fit :P.

I’m freaking 18! And yet my Mum treats me like a freaking baby.

My course doesn’t start until like next month or so and I here I am loafing around doing nothing but eating. I need to be fit but I’m actually really am terrified. No matter how I picture it and plan it in my head asking my parents. What do I do ಥ_ಥ.

You know what I don’t understand about my Mum? My brother is under weight for sure. But he eats. When it’s meal time, sometimes my Mum gives him a small amount. And he can say he’s full or that he’s not hungry.

At the moment my plan is to say to my parents that my bro and I wants to hit the gym. So I can help my brother gain some abs lol. Well he does need it :L . He’s literally a stick.

Wow how long have not posted anything on here lol? I’ll try to keep up as much as I can from now on. 

Well… yeah that’s it for now :).

Adios~

Bananixox

 

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