Annoying

When someone is seriously ill, you wouldn’t leave them alone would you? 

Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves thinking we’re alright and don’t need anyone’s help. We push the people who tries to help us away. Next thing you know, you’re suffering and seriously need help. Though how can you go ask those who you already pushed away? It’ll be embarrassing right? We get annoyed when people think you can’t do it so they ask if you need a hand, and then your self esteem goes low. It’s actually not the case. Like I said, we sometimes get ahead of our self. It’s not that they think you can’t do it, it’s because they only care. If you think about it, shouldn’t it make sense? Either you need help on homework or fixing up a car or something, we should at least be thankful for those who tries to help. 

In my case, my Mum is the one who is annoying. 

Though in a parents perspective, I understand it can be frightening to have your child relapse again. After all the troubles and hardships, I know my Mum and Dad wouldn’t want to go through that again. 

My Mum constantly runs behind my back asking me to eat this, eat that and it’s quite annoying actually. Very annoying. In my heart and brain lol, I know I’m fine. I mean I don’t want to put my body in that horrible state. I’d be abusing my body. I don’t want that again. 

I’m not saying I want her to just leave me alone. I just think it’s time my Mum understands that she needs to at least let me try to walk freely and forget about the dark past. It’s causing me stress nowadays but I can’t let that get to me. It may take sometime for my Mum to realize that I’m free from the abuse I had been putting myself through. I’ve been over my eating disorder since the start of last year. I guess I just have to wait a little bit longer until my Mum and Dad opens their eyes and see I’m fine :). I’ll wait. 

Ciao for now~

~Bananixox

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I’m back and stronger.

Wow, been awhile?

So, I don’t where to begin, Honestly I don’t. Though I can start by saying that I’m finally free.

Or am I?

I had been living with anorexia for around 3 years now and I can finally say that I think I’m free now. Free from the everyday living hell of terror. Yes I am still iffy on food but I still eat no matter what.

What’s new?

Well I actually been having a problem with my stomach and so I went for a colonoscopy at a hospital and oh my goodness, the anesthesia killed me. Worse pain ever D:! But other than that the doctor said there was nothing nasty in me so I was all good. Then what’s wrong with my stomach? Aha I don’t know, but it’s okay I’ll find out soon with my local gp.

Other than that, my liver is all good too :). So I’m happy that I’m able to be all healthy again however there’s just one thing.

My Mum.

You think she would leave me alone and let me eat whatever I want right?

Wrong.

The most frustrating thing.

She is constantly behind me telling me to eat this eat that. I’m perfectly fine but she doesn’t believe me and it hurts that she thinks that way. I don’t want to be reminded about my dark past but she keeps on reminding me by always coming behind me and calling me at a particular time to eat. Like farout.

I’m over my dark days. You think I want to destroy my body by going through anorexia again?

I’m not even allowed to exercise normally to be fit (not to lose weight!). Even my cousin, my grandma and my friends all think she’s gone crazy. She’s gone overboard. I could mention a lot of stories with my Mum and how she acts, but I’ll leave that for another time.

For now, ciao xx

Bananixoxo ~